Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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