just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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