I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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