When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
