i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
