Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize