i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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