The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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