Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just cut my nipple shaving
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
