Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
