Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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