Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
