If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
