He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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