im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
