Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
