Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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