no, he came in my armpit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
