Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
