You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
