I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
