I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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