Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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