I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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