Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
