Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
