I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Be still, my beating vagina.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize