If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize