Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.

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(916): View more from California

They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.

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(319): View more from Iowa

For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..

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(406): View more from Montana

he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?

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(785): View more from Kansas

They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea

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(757): View more from Virginia

You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.

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