I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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