belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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