I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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