just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
