So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
