where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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