that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
