I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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