It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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