Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
