OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize