Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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