Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
