you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
