you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize