So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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