the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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