wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
