everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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