Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
