after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
