If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
