never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
