I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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