..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
this is an emotional support booty call
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