It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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