Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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