White coat. Heels.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
