no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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