Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize