wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
