This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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