I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
