Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
