They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
