dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
