I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
