The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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