I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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