when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
