last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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