her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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