saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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