did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
