i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize