who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
