Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
