I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
