soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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