Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
