My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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