I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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