I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize