More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
