I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
