Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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