I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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