Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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