take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
