i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
