I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
