I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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