Sry I called you an 8
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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