Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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