you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
