and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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