you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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