I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
