True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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