It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize