I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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