so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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