My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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