hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize